Recently, Ryan and I have started working out 5-6 days a
week. Me to lose a few unwanted pounds
and Ryan to gain a little extra muscle.
Because he and I have lives, jobs and other responsibilities we have a
minimal amount of time each day that we can devote solely to working out. So when we show up to the gym each morning,
we mean business! Although we love our
gym and have really begun to enjoy working out, I have noticed a few etiquette
items that need to be addressed…
1. To the lady who
insists on hopping onto the elliptical right next to me (even when there is a
whole row of available machines): my Pandora can block out your exceptionally loud
panting but it cannot block out your unbearable stench. If you must workout in close proximity to me
daily, please do something about your body odor. It’s one word. 4 syllables. 9 letters. Deodorant. It will change your life,
and mine. Thank you!
2. To the juiceheads in the back of the gym: Just because
there is a full wall mirror by the weights, doesn’t mean that you are required
to check yourself out constantly. Although it is tempting, save the flexing for
your girlfriend/wife and get the hell out of my way. You make me not like you
just by being you. I cannot for the life of me understand where you get your physiques
in the first place, I never see you lift more than your muscle milk. Work out
or get out. Thank you!
3. To the loud woman who thinks we all care what you have to
say: We don’t. Keep your weather reports and your town gossip to yourself. No
one wants to hear it. Even your friends
look like they would rather suck on a tailpipe than listen to your moronic anecdotes.
You’re at the gym, not in a high school hallway. Cut the gossip and grow up.
Thank you!
4. To the women on the stair climber: It loses all effect if
you throw your body weight on the top half of the machine when the intensity
increases. I am no exercise expert, but
I believe the idea of that machine is to give the effect as though you are
walking up stairs at a rapid rate. The
way you are doing it, it would just be better to save your money, stay at home
and lay on your back and move your knees towards your chest and then straight
out again. Figure it out or try another machine. Thank you!
5. To the magazine hoarder: Unless you are endlessly quizzed
on your knowledge of current Hollywood hook-ups and break-ups by the people who
line up on a daily basis outside your door, please limit your magazine
collection. In case you haven’t noticed,
there are others in the gym who may care to read them. Take just one or bring your own from
home. Thank you!
And for everyone at the gym who is just there to improve
themselves and not for nonsense, I thank you!
